Bad theology kills your soul.

Good theology kills what’s

crushing your soul.

theology kills

a podcast about letting our shame &

violence die so that life & love can thrive

Monochrome illustration of three swords piercing a heart against a backdrop of stormclouds, framed by a gothic arch window.

what if God doesn’t ask us to be correct — just creative?

Toxic theologies have been weaponized to wound, but the gospel was always meant to be medicine. Hosts January Jaxon and Andrew McRae blend Rene Girard’s mimetic theory with Internal Family Systems to craft a Christ-centered theology of integrity that heals shame, fosters embodiment, and points us toward a lit-up life of deeply rooted joy. Balancing scriptural insight with personal reflections, Theology Kills is a podcast for healing the bruises left by bad theology and reclaiming the gutsy, grace-filled adventure of coming fully alive in the image of Christ.


Hands holding a small plant with soil that's on fire, against a dark background with a glowing halo effect.

what you’ll experience

Each episode explores the ways that shame & violence warp our creativity, our relationships, and our sense of self — and how a more loving, embodied faith can set us free.

we’ll talk about:

  • Eve and Mary through the lens of Maureen Murdock’s Heroine’s Journey

  • Pregnancy as a metaphor for creativity with Eve, Mary, and Saint Paul

  • Shame as internal violence with Eve’s fall in the Garden

  • Blame as external violence with Cain’s murder of his brother Abel

  • How trust empowers creativity in the stories of Mary, the mother of Jesus

  • Change as an ally, not an enemy, when we trust the love of Christ

  • How to engage in conflict with integrity with Luke 12:49-53

  • Recognizing the voice of the Advocate vs. the lies of the Accuser

with practices drawn from neuroscience and monasticism:

  • Sabbath & stillness

  • Open-focus meditation

  • Internal Family Systems (IFS)

  • Sense drenching

  • Your body compass

  • The Work of Byron Katie

meet your hosts

January Jaxon and Andrew McRae are lay theologians with a passion for the magic & mess of living in nonviolent imitation of Christ.

Black and white photograph of a woman with glasses and a nose ring, posed against a stone wall background, mocked up to look like a paper taped to a wall.

January Jaxon

is a Pacific Northwest writer, designer, and coach hosting spaces that blend creative practice with emotionally healthy theology. She helps people find empowerment through creativity & courage instead of through control, so we can quit brutally trying to “fix” each other (or ourselves!) and focus instead on what we each contribute to a future of collective flourishing.

Black and white photograph of a smiling man wearing glasses and shirt, posed against a stone wall background, mocked up to look like a paper taped to a wall.

Andrew McRae

is a roamer who started ESL gigging to feed his habit of wanting to live someplace far away. The days of impulsive one-way transoceanic travel have passed. The roaming, however, continues — mostly through the pages of graphic novels — as he searches out stories that might spark the curiosity of language learners. Currently, his faraway residence is his childhood home in Kentucky.

“When Paul talks about ‘the flesh’, then, he’s not condemning the physical body. He’s confronting the dis-integrating system — the social and psychological conditioning toward rivalry, the culture that sells us the
“Peace isn’t the absence of conflict. It’s the presence of integrity.” Curious about a theology that heals shame, fosters embodiment, and points us toward a lit-up life of deeply rooted joy? We gotchu. Theology Kills is a new

our vision

A Church that relinquishes shame & rivalry and lives in imitation of Christ as a model of integrity, vulnerability, and divine non-violence in a wounded world.


our mission

To proclaim Christ by recovering a theology that invigorates creativity, fosters embodiment, and empowers trust.


our values

Leadership, collaboration, fun, genuineness, vulnerability, and trust.


The institution may be dying,

but the gospel is

coming alive.